There are some very generous companies across the UK who offer free or discounted 3D/4D scans to parents in their area who have had a Cleft diagnosis. You can find a list of them on the CLAPA website here or ask your Cleft Nurse.
We visited Babyvision in Wolverhampton in mid June.
In the run up to the appointment, I was excited. I had never had one of these scans before and I was looking forward to seeing what our little boy looked like. This was coupled with a certain amount of fear. After all, we would see what see what our little boy looked like.
After the initial diagnosis and meeting with the cleft nurse, I didn't google. I didn't search out pictures, before and after photos or anything like that. I didn't want to build up an expectation as to the extent of the cleft. This turned out to have the opposite effect because I built a picture in my own mind that wasn't really based on any fact. I knew the cleft was 8mm unilateral but that didn't really mean a huge amount to me. So the prospect of seeing it was very daunting to both me and my husband.
We had talked about whether or not we were ready to face seeing the extent of the cleft, but it was an academic discussion really. We would have to face it at some point, and the earlier that could be done the longer we would have to get used to it in our own minds before seeing our son in the delivery room.
We had a bit of a drive from our home to Wolverhampton, and I was really apprehensive all the way. Part excited. Part terrified. In an odd way it reminded me of the feeling I had on the morning of my wedding, but far stronger.
We arrived in good time and were shown up to the waiting room. The building it was in had clearly once been a huge house, the kind that had 'staff', but now housed a doctors surgery as well as Babyvision.
The staff were lovely and put us completely at ease. The sonographer went through the notes and invited us through. It started off as looking like a 'normal' scan but she flicked a switch and like magic, there he was.
Our son.
The first thing we saw was his non-cleft side, and it was remarkable how much he looked like his older brother when he was a baby. I suppose that shouldn't come as a surprise but I think I spent so much time focusing on the cleft that I hadn't stopped to think about what the rest of his face would look like.
The next job was trying to get him to move so we could see the cleft side. I turned over one way, then another, then stood up and jiggled about a bit and eventually he let us see all of his face...
The sonographer laughed and said he was the grumpiest looking baby she had ever scanned. I said he looked like my dad. I'm not saying there's a connection but.......
To be fair the little one had every reason to be grumpy. The poor thing had been poked and prodded and scanned as much as me and I know I was fed up with it. At least I knew why it was happening. He was just in there trying to grow, sleep and suck his thumb and people kept squashing him.
The grumpiness didn't last for long though and we got a good look at him. The technology is amazing, we could pick out bits of me and bits of my husband. We were free to ask any questions and they were honestly answered. My main one was that on some of the pictures there seemed to be a disfigurement higher up the face to the right of the bridge of the nose (as in the above 'grumpy' photo). The lady explained that where the scan couldn't reach the machine fills in the gaps, and with a twist of the wrist the probe was moved to the area in question and it all looked normal.
As a final hurrah, and in an early show of defiance, the baby stuck his tongue out and gave us the finger. Charming. Clearly has his mothers attitude.
We were given some printed photos to take away and a disc full of images.
We headed home, not sure what to say to each other. I made it half way home before I needed to pull over to have a 'moment.' I'm not sure why I was crying, maybe it was a release of pent up anxiety, maybe it was finally facing reality. The moment didn't last long and we were soon home showing our parents their Grandson.
In the few days following the scan, we played the pictures on a slideshow on the TV in our house, just looking at them. And smiling. He is our son. We love him and, short of wearing a Liverpool FC shirt, we would love him through anything.
*********************************************************************************
I want to take this opportunity to thank Babyvision and all of the other companies who offer a free or discounted service to parents with a cleft diagnosis. It is an amazing thing to do and helps parents through such an uncertain time. Thank you.
No comments:
Post a Comment